How to Work Out Like a Champion

1. To stretch, find a big complicated-looking weight machine to stretch against. These have a lot of little handles and such that make it easy to stretch against. After you're done, maybe take a breather by leaning against it and taking a drink of water.

2. In between sets, sit and rest on whatever machine you were using. Feel free to break out a book, have a drink of water, you know, whatever.

3. When using dumbells, try to stand as close to the dumbell rack as possible. This allows you to see the dumbells you aren't using more clearly. It also allows you to put your dumbells back with minimal walking (ew!).

4. If for some reason you find yourself lifting weights away from the rack, don't fret. The obvious solution to this problem is to simply put the weights you are using down wherever you happen to be, then walk away! Out of sight, out of mind.

5. If you run into a buddy at the gym, the best way to talk to him is to sit on whichever is next to the one he is using. This way you're not standing up, allowing you to shoot the breeze with minimal expentiture of energy. If you're feeling spicy you can stand up, but be sure to obstruct a nearby machine as much as possible.